


three tips for spicing up your sex life

by zappactionsdower



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: M/M, for dimilix kink bingo 2020, the cringe the cringe is real
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:22:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26034133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zappactionsdower/pseuds/zappactionsdower
Summary: Felix’s brain stutters as he notices a patch of blue.Floral blue.His brain shuts down entirely as horrible, world-ending realization sets in.“Why are you - ?”“Do you like it?”  Dimitri, damn him, sounds eager, the same way he always does when he thinks he’s done something amazing.  “You left them on the dryer so I - “
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47
Collections: Dimilix NSFW Bingo





	three tips for spicing up your sex life

It’s Friday and Felix is tired and more than a little irritable. His editor spent most of the day complaining about his new book being too bloody (it’s a murder mystery for Sothis’s sake!) and something about Felix’s choice of a sex scene that might not be mainstream enough or something that editors say when they want to play it safe. Felix damn well knows how to write, thank you very much.

Speaking of sex, Dimitri’s been on a case for the past five days which means that he’s spent most of his time at the office which means that Felix’s other outlet for his irritation (because his gym decided this would be the week to close to put in some kind of ridiculous smoothie bar) has been missing as well.

Felix likes sex. Felix has a perfectly healthy, regular sex life. Felix wants to continue to have sex because it feels good and it keeps Dimitri from disappearing into his head and Felix doesn’t mind the post-coital cuddling which has also been absent due to both of them crashing the second their heads hit the pillow.

So back to the day. Or not - Felix wants to forget the entire thing, settle in for some salad with chicken or whatever leftovers they can scrounge up and then crash up against Dimitri and sleep until mid-day.

Possibly, there will be sex.

Hopefully there will be sex.

Sothis, please let there be sex.

Dimitri greets him at the door. He’s freshly showered and wearing a loose tank top and flannel pants and Felix melts the second Dimitri’s arms wrap around him. Dimitri’s wardrobe is still in transition - he was brought up in polite society and khakis and button-up polos and shined shoes and it’s only now, after his breakdown and subsequent recovery, that he’s started to experiment with what feels good against his skin. 

But back to the embrace. It’s nice. Felix only lets out a little grunt as Dimitri pulls him inside and takes his laptop case from him before Felix can throw the damned thing into the dishwasher and be done with it.

“There’s curry and vegetables.” Dimitri murmurs sweetly against Felix’s temple. “If you would like some.”

Goddess, he might be in love with this man.

He’s definitely in love with this man’s body. Dimitri’s not always the most aware of his own attractiveness which is - it’s fine - it’s more for Felix even if he has to occasionally terrorize some handsy person into another zip code because Dimitri doesn’t always understand a pickup line when he hears one. But he works out regularly, he eats well, and he’s got these - his hands are - 

Dimitri chuckles, soft, as they tangle together on the bed, his stupid-big hands warm against the base of Felix’s spine and hovering a few inches near his ass. “I’ve got a surprise for you.”

“Mmm?” Felix is well past the point of normal conversation. He’s got Dimitri’s shirt rucked up, revealing his very very nice muscled stomach, and Felix's hands are on the elastic of those stupid-soft flannel pants, pulling them down to free that nice cock (that Felix is also probably in love with) and - 

Felix’s brain stutters as he notices a patch of blue.

Floral blue.

His brain shuts down entirely as horrible, world-ending realization sets in.

“Why are you - ?”

“Do you like it?” Dimitri, damn him, sounds eager , the same way he always does when he thinks he’s done something amazing. “You left them on the dryer so I - “

“Those are Mercedes’s - ! Th - “ Felix hisses, unable to take his eyes off the cotton bikini panties that his boyfriend is wearing. How in the Eternal Flames did he even get them on?!

“Oh…” Dimitri’s voice drops in that little guilty way. “But they were - “

“They did laundry here!” Dimitri’s cock is right there, buried beneath the fabric, awkwardly at half-mast and Goddess, it’s….

It’s…

“I thought you wanted to try something new during intercourse?”

Felix stands up, wobbling as he tries not to go into full meltdown mode. He’d been working on that lately. “I need - drink. I need a drink. And please for the love of Sothis take those granny panties off.”

They don’t have sex that night. Felix tries, he really does, but all he can think of is Dimitri walking around in plain cotton panties that he’s fairly certain his old Aunt Gertrude wore as she tottered through the Fraldarius household in her old fleece bathrobe.

It’s the thought that counts, he reminds himself, and okay, they haven’t… they haven’t been too kinky lately. They were kinky all the time when they first moved in and Felix is pretty sure the only place they haven’t done it in their little nest is the basement because that’s just weird. They’d even had sex on the patio once, which ended in only a mild scuffle with the neighbors who completely deserved it. They were the ones trying to have raucous parties until 2AM.

And that’s the thing with Dimitri. Dimitri’s a beast under all those pleasant layers but he’s an obedient beast and he really, really likes to make Felix happy. They’d spent last Valentine’s Day watching horror movies and eating sushi and then Felix had pretty much let Dimitri suck him down and there was chocolate sauce involved and they’d dug the crumbling remains of those heart candies out from the bedroom for weeks after. Dimitri is a golden retriever although without all the shedding and drool (except when he sleeps, and always against Felix’s shoulder) and way, way more engaging.

Felix can’t get over it though. He really can’t. Granny panties . Why in the name of Sothis’s bare feet would Dimitri think Felix thought those were sexy? Lace maybe, or silk and - 

Dammit.

He is not thinking of Dimitri in women’s cotton underwear. Not even Dimitri can make some things look good. 

“Ah, Felix?”

Speaking of, his current crisis is staring hopefully at him from the doorway. 

Whatever. Felix is clearly not doing any work on his stupid novel today. Not that he cares to -his editor deserves to be miserable. Instead, he shuts his laptop and leans back to stare pointedly at his partner. 

“I do apologize for the misunderstanding. I genuinely thought, well, I suppose it does not matter.” The barest hints of pink appear on Dimitri’s pale cheeks. “Regardless, I was hoping we could spend the afternoon together? I know you wanted to see that movie about the rock band.”

“It’s punk, not rock.” Felix sniffs and stands up. “But yes. That doesn’t sound so bad.”

Dimitri smiles brightly. “Excellent. I’ll just put my shoes on.”

Felix blinks. Dimitri’s not - he’s just wearing plain knit pants like he does every once in a while but they’re going out . Dimitri never goes out in anything less than proper.

Best not to think about it. Felix spends a brief moment making himself look slightly less than like an utter disaster and meets Dimitri at their small car. He’s already wearing his sunglasses and doesn’t look anything like a proper, well-to-do lawyer. It’s nice.

Felix slides into the passenger seat and relaxes. Beside him, Dimitri starts the car up and adjusts his seatbelt. He squirms a little and Felix raises an eyebrow.

“I’m quite fine.” Dimitri assures as he begins to pull out of their driveway. “Nothing to be concerned about.”

“Please tell me you aren’t hiding any - “ Felix starts, wary

“No.” Dimitri blushes again. “That is to say - I am wearing nothing.”

Felix’s brain, again, stutters to a halt.

“Is that all right?”

Fuck.

Fuck.

They’re driving and about to hit the highway. But even still, Felix reaches out, slipping his hand beneath the elastic of Dimitri’s pants and feeling nothing but warm, bare skin.

“You still want to see the movie?” Dimitri asks, stubbornly keeping his eyes on the road as Felix begins to rub against his hipbone.

“Try and stop me.” Felix shoots back.

Things go south, literally and figuratively, as they wait in line for tickets. There’s some blonde behind them in line who is definitely, absolutely, staring at Dimitri’s broad back. Felix gives her an icy stare and leans into his partner, casually running his fingers along the edge of Dimitri’s t-shirt. She purses her lips and Felix moves his hand down, giving the slightest, teasing look of the top of Dimitri’s ass. Dimitri's ass that belongs only to Felix, and Felix does not share.

“Felix ,” Dimitri chides halfheartedly.

His hands skim the top, feeling just where the cleft begins. “Mmm?”

“Ah, my,” Dimitri flushes. “Please don’t get us thrown out for indecency?”

Felix snorts, glancing back at the young woman who is starting to fan herself and pretend to stare out the glass windows of the theater. “Might be fun.”

“Yes, but,” Dimitri is saved by further consternation by a mother and her son stepping in line. Felix huffs and adjusts Dimitri’s pants, preferring to keep his hand right where it is. 

“Whatever.”

Their seats are in the back row, almost completely alone aside from some wannabe punks near the front. Dimitri’s got a giant bucket of popcorn in his lap that neither of them are going to eat but it does have its uses.

Mostly to cover up that Felix’s hand is very , very comfortably beneath Dimitri’s pants and lazily toying with his warm, responsive cock. It feels nice - amazing - especially as Dimitri has to keep shuffling his legs around as he makes soft little whines and tries to keep some sense of propriety up.

“Perhaps we should - ?” Dimitri starts, and only manages the tiniest of squeaks as Felix rubs his thumb against the underside of his now-hard dick.

“The movie’s just getting started.” Felix chides because really, really, Dimitri can stand to wait a little while after that whole underwear fiasco.

“Felix ,” Dimitri whines, soft and pleading an hour in. The popcorn bucket is still mostly full but they’ve both finished their drinks and the movie’s officially moved into dull territory. It’s all relationship drama and breakdowns and made-up shit that Felix is done with. He doesn’t even remember what the plot was , because his eyes had been on the way that Dimitri's mouth kept working on the straw of his drink and the occasional dart of pink tongue. He has a nice mouth really, and a decent enough tongue, and he’s spent the last hour chewing on his bottom lip to bite back noises that Felix keeps trying to squeeze out whenever he gets too close to coming.

Dimitri probably deserves a reward. Especially because Felix’s own dick is very, very lonely.

“I need to take a piss.” Felix announces, letting go of Dimitri.

Dimitri - politely - sets the bucket down in the chair to the right of them without dropping a single kernel.

And then he all but drags Felix to the bathroom.

“Yes, yes, fuck,” Felix praises, gripping eagerly at Dimitri’s hair. They have a trash can in front of the door and there’s definitely someone knocking on it but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters because Dimtiri’s holding him up against the sink and sucking on him like a pro. Felix murmurs praise after praise, keeps trying to pull him up because he wants that pretty tongue himself, wants to taste that stupidly sweet soda and Dimitri and feel him every which way he possibly can.

And finally Dimitri moves, pressing up, sliding their bodies close together as he ruts and Felix grabs hold of something - anything as he feels Dimitir’s teeth dig into his collarbone and Dimitri bites down, hard , groaning in pleasure. Felix reaches out to grab onto him, his elbow smacking the hot air dryer as it roars into life, hiding his own shout as orgasm hits.

 **CRACK**.

Felix blinks, dazedly coming back to his senses as Dimitri stares at him muzzily.

They’re both being blasted by unpleasantly hot air.

And there’s a soap dispenser spilling oozy pink gloop everywhere.

That Felix, somehow, managed to tear off the wall.

“Ah.” Dimitri mumbles, still holding onto Felix against the sink.

“Ugh.” Felix replies, flopping his head down on Dimtiri’s shoulder.

“At least we didn’t break the sink?” Dimitri presses a gentle kiss to Felix’s throat, right where there will be a beautiful red mark in the morning.

The sink makes a soft little groan in response.

They give up on seeing the end of the movie. 

The janitor also gets an incredibly large tip for cleaning up the soap sludge.

“I really do want to thank you.” Mercedes says, sweet as ever as she begins to fold her sheets. “I’m hoping the repairman will be finished with our washer and dryer before the end of the week.”

“It’s no problem at all.” Felix says, watching their friend work. It’s a good break from arguing with his editor that no, he is not going to change the death scenes and his fans apparently like the sex parts and besides, he already has a sequel to start on.

“If this isn’t too bold - I couldn’t seem to find one pair of my underwear last week. I hope I didn’t leave it anywhere embarrassing.” Mercedes, bless her for being Mercedes, calmly keeps folding.

“I think the dryer might have eaten it.” Felix lies.

**Author's Note:**

> Either I did this wrong or I got a double bingo. Huzzah!!


End file.
